futagozadays

cuman iseng-iseng sih, *lha biasanya juga nulis iseng doang*

"katanya kalo ga cocok ngapain di kawinin?" sebenernya sejauh mana ukuran ga cocok ini?

dan pas nulis ini baru nyadar lagi kalo pertanyaan itu bisa kejawab kalo ada pacarnya, PACAAAAR PACAAAR MANA PACAAAAR?

hahaha, ih echa desperado. wkwk.

kalo aku sih, *muluk ye kan cuman muluk loh*

semoga aku dapetin suami yang lebih tua umur nya (amiin), karena aku cukup keras kepala semoga casi *calon suami LOL* tidak lebih stubborn dari aku.. my dad is so stubborn i take it from him so i can't..  sometimes we arguing, i know it is so so so much normal in family, but arguing with him is so tiring. so hopefully i can find someone who less stubborn than me, let me win *Sometimes hehe*, but still he can LEAD *IT is a Must* me and my future kids *WUHUUU*, stable,  i mean can we meet when we are stable as well? i won't give you burdensome.

i don't mind if my future kids more closely with my future husband, because i duunooo i feel like will going to a demand mom, like "DONT DO That, no it is not good for you blahblaaa" uhaaa hopefully it won't happen, aamiin.. ahaha and the emotional feeling will be always won by mom. no one can replace mom in the heart. yeaa u can rely to dad more, but still your heart is mom *ADUH DELUSINYA KEBANYAKAN*

hahaha. i dunno why am i so random tonite?
because gueh ga ada kerjaaan.

Allah hope you grant my wish, aamiin.

hey you what's abt your delusion future btw? ;)

kenapa kita harus nikah?

ok. sebenernya orang ngesex duluan sama aja kayak nikah tapi ga ilegal *setidaknya di mata agama*, moral asusila yang tidak bisa diterima di masyarakat indonesia. setuju sih. cuman aku bingung nikah itu biar apa?

 nikah, butuh modal.
modal kedewasaan.
modal uang.

ga tau sih baru nyadar karena aku jomblo kali ya ga ngerti, cepet nikah "biar tentram hati nya" biar "engga maksiat" aku sih kelamaan sendiri jadi gatau itu teh gimana aja.

mungkin orang yang udah lama pacaran atau sering pacaran bakal ngerti kali ya?

cuman nikah is a big deal.

buat aku.. sekarang engga dulu.
aku masih kepengen ngejar mimpi aku dulu. meski mimpi aku masih abu, tapi kata pernikahan belum muncul di list future aku. For this time loh.

lagian siapa pulak calon nya,
kayak iya aja ada yg mikirin aku, wkwk.

nikah itu....................................................................................
ah gatau.

lagi pms, tau kan?
iye jujur aja aku lagi pengen ngamuk-ngamuk, sensitif, nangis.
bodo.
RAWR!!!

aku kayak orang bego, kacung, orang yang suka di suruh-suruh. sampe aku nyadar aku kayak orang yang sama sekali ga berharga.

aku lagi sedih soalnya aku selalu dijaiin zone zone sama orang-orang iam ok with that i mean, aku seneng bisa bantu tapi gatau ini lagi dititik pms aku jadi kepikiran kayak.. orang lain pernah mikirin aku engga sih?


iam just nobody. like.. people can ask me anything. apa itu.. plester zone, spbu zone, angel zone, betadine zone, protect zone.
iam just clown. iam make fun of my self. because i scared to realize how terrible iam. how fat, how unattractive my self.

aku takut bahkan liat kaca, mana pernah aku bawa kaca keluar pas siang-siang. kalo ngeliat aku bakal ngeliat muka aku yg aku pengen cakar, noda hitam, jerawat, muka aku yg kulit nya pecah karena pake kosmetik mamah pas sma kelas 1 /UGH!!/
gendut, pendek, ga pinter-pinter amat, riweuh, ga sabaran,

apa yang aku punya?

aku cuman ngetawain diri sendiri, ada yg ngatain sambi bercanda aku tambahin kenapa? karena aku nyadar itu aku.
aku mengerikan.
jijik.
gendut,


mostly people never pats me first,
that should be me.

idiot,
who will need me anyway.
i know i will regret for writing this but this time i really mean it,

"jagain sana."
iya aku kuat aku pasti bisa jagain orang lain. dan ga ada yg bilang "hati-hati. kalo cape kesini aja."

aku kaya apa emang nya?
kamu kan bukan apa-apa echaaaaa.......................

iam so sad and hurt.
iam clown,









lagi pms. nanti mungkin nyesel udah nulis ini tapi yasudah,

ga asik sih sebenernya nulis ini sambil dengerin lagu paling romnceu at this moment buat aku, ahaha. Mel Carter-hold me, thrill me, kiss me. suka lagu ini dari pas nonton running man, kepikiran terus. hhuhu. enak deh di puter aja.

hem, gatau aku setiap ngeliat TL facebook atau twitter itu dua orang pasti nongol. Mau nya apa? MAU GUE CLBK SONOH *wuu echa sotoy banget deh dari mana tau mereka putus?... yaa feeling aja sih*

siapa emang?

Yunjae.
Yunho
Jaejoong *Momiakuw*

suka bitter sweet, iya kata ini cukup pas buat labeling mereka. hubungan mereka kerasa paling dewasa dan manis ever... selama gue terjun di dunia pershipper-an.
iam definitely deep in love with them. so deep.

i surrender.

but it turns to be hurt, sad.
but that warm feels still remaining, until now.

back then they met at GFF met openly in public's eyes.
that day was my happiest day since i remember the last time i cheer up about them.

My yunjae.. our yunjae met at same place, time... not psed. they were real.

my tears was dropping. my heart pounding. my hands got sweat my eyes all wet. i keep crying and laughing. HEY WHAT ARE U GUYS DOING TO ME AFTER YEARS?
that was my first time to see them together as yunjaeshipper.

i thought i have been healing but i was wrong, it still bleeding.
back i thought some of cassie or yunjaeshipper are coward decided to not play their vid, song. i thought i was tough... as time pass. i know, something has change. the time we got about yunjae slowly decreasing.

some of them, lost their faith. it is too painful. i know it.. i know it now. i will always feel hurt and sad when i play the vid abt them. i need to collect my courage to play their video on my fav eps of holiday in saipan.

iam not that great at all.

it is hurt,
but that warm feeling will be still remain in my heart.

at least we know /eventhough i know sih they are okay.. even they are not lovers anymore/ they are good, chatted with families, happy to know yunjae healty, and they will get new friends there *I REALLY DISLIKES JEJE'S CIRCLE, jeje always emo, drunk, kelayapan, HUFFF IAM SOWREEEH :P* HUG *UHUK* STARING each other, cheer up for each other. I know this is the happines in OT5 fans, not only for yunjae.
/eventhough we got jae and yunho selcas with everyone, and never saw them in one pic. that's ok/


so yunho and jae happy ending? literaly? hahaha. i hope so.

yunjae maybe was not same as they was to be but they still the one in our heart.

aku (masih) cinta ke yunjae kok.
rasanya masih ada disini, meski tidak sehiper dahulu.
mereka akan tetap jadi bagian yang ngebahagiain buat aku. for this time /For this time loh/ ahaha.

yunho jaejoong fighting we always love you guys.

and after those wars yunjae shipper is great fandom ever. the though one in keep the faith to their otp.
yunho, jae, when u heard them growl, when u saw that banner, u know right your fans didn't go.

Yunjae still the best. ever.

cinta yang mungkin bakal hidup dalam kenangan paling dalam.

selalu sedih, tapi rasa bahagia nya ada juga. meski genre nya angst, tapi tetep aja jadi favorite.

LOVE YOU KIM JAEJOONG *momicintakuwrempongkuwmalesnyakuwbencinyakuwkawkucayang*

LOVE YOU JUNG YUNHO.

buat yunjaeshippe. kuwat ya, kita kudu kuwat. love you all. selalu bahagia. >~<

terlalu banyak yang kepengen di omongin dan terngiang-ngiang di kepala tapi tiap mau ditulis suka lupa wae. this writing wasn't for people kok but this is for my self, as note.

 iye gue egois. wkwk.

 hanewey, setelah punya ponakan tetiba i interesting in parenting, not into the marriage thing but only in parenting. since i like to watch superman returns, some of the parents esp song il gook showed the good technique to handle the kids. he didnt do the voice raising or violnce which is good and fo sho i copied him. tenang pak dapet pahala :D so, with the lack technique of parenting i apply it to my nepwhew, the method is the counting 1-10 when kid do something appropriate.

in this case i believe we (?) can give the kids freedom but also show the apropriate way. so as the grow old they know the proper way. um back to the topic, and i did it. at first attempt it didn't work, he keep doing "something that wasn't good for him" i counted 1-10 many times, and after.... more or less 4 months he gives me a response.. "Upa.. mau dimakan ga? kalo ga dimakan oba ambil makanan nya. Oba itung sampe 10, 1... 2.... 3.... 4......" back then he won't listen to me and keep messing with his food, but now.. "Upa mau dimakan ga? kalo ga dimakan oba ambil makanannya, 1....2...3.." then he will eat it fast and leave it. OMG!!! i was so speechless and OSM! you know that counting makes him think, which is he already knows about the options. and please correct me if i wrong in apply that technique. and i learn we better apply the rule to kids when they 2. maybe they won't really understand but it will inlfluence their behavior as the grow. thanks il kook apaa :D time by day i interacting with upa i realized that iam a coleris .. and i afraid if i become the otoriter mom, and demand towards my kids. i scared that iam not a good mom in the future. i know it is still far and maybe i was over thinking but hopefully i could someone who that my kids can rely. and hopefully my future husband is a really calm and mature one. HELLOH LOOK AT ME... xD

 oh btw my pc was broke so all my pict, (un) important files lost, my fanfictions lost.. AHAHAHHAHA T-T then....... ah forget,

 i....... ahahhaa wish me luck for my thesis. hopefully you can fulfill your hope. aamiin. *na chorom* xD selamat hari minggu~~~~~

lagi bosen ga ada pulsa.. ga ada bacaeun, ga ada tontoneun yaudah..akuh  kangen nyongtory *apa hubunganya* jadi liat di youtube videonya, awuuuu '3' aduhlah, jaddinya aku kepikiran nulis soal hal yang muluk-muluk kalo aku jadian sama... jejejejeng;

1. G-dragon.

aku sama buchou sama sih kalo kwon jiyong ada di kehidupan nyata... dia emang nyata sih tapi maksudnya kalo dia beneran ada di lingkungan kita dan hidup seperti manusia lain nya, kita gabakal mau kalo jadian sama dia. aku gamau suka ama jidi meskipun dia adalah idol muluk yg kepengen gue jadiin patjar.
kenapa?
soalnya kalo kamu suka sama jidi, dia ada lah yg bikin kamu ngerasain perasaan paling dalam sendirian. dia terlalu berbahaya.

ga ngerti deh, dia mah semacam orang yang tahu dalam melakukan sesuatu, jadinya dia bisa memprediksian dan memainkan orang dengan mudahnya. dan kamu cuman bisa pasrah karena dia bisa bikin kamu ngerasa ga cukup soal dia.
huft cape,

aselinya sih setangkep aku yg udah jadi fan nya jidi, dia orang nya pocecip dan sebagaimana orang yg pocecip aselinya dia penyanyang.
dan ditipkal sayang nya tuh yang terlalu giuuuuuuuuuuuuuung~~~~~~~ aku ga mauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. terlalu giung, terlalu disayang~~~~~~~~ terlalu takut aku buat balesnya dan takut ditinggal, dan bekasnya itu... bakal selalu membekas... iya jidi itu kayak gitu *sesotoynya gueh* XD


2. Kang Gary

hahaha, sebelum nonton Running Man aku gatau kalo ada manusia yg namanya kang gary~ anggaplah gue macam manusia labil yg punya otp yg ga semua orang suka dan percaya, gatau karena aku jg jomblo jadi mudah aja kemakan sama hal-hal yg picisan, murahan dan romantis jadinya aja gue kemakan sama love line di running man. aku percaya monday couple itu pertamanya kayak fake, tapi lama-lama kang gary suka sama ji hyo, sedangkan setangkap aku ji hyo itu cewek yg kuat dan ga mudah masuk keperangkap picisan murahan macem gueh ahahaha. tapi lama-lama jihyo mulai sadar juga soal siapa yang menunggu dia. dan dia adalah Kang gary.. the way kang gary treats jihyo for years, his cheesy line.. hardworoker *MY bebeb JI yong also hardworker* apa ya bikin perasaan hangat aja.

aku kalo pacaran sama kang gary pasti betah banget. ahahaha.


konklusinya, aku suka jidi tapi jidi terlalu berbahaya, kenapa aku mikir gitu? soalnya aku sayang banget sama jidi.. makanya takut ahaha.
kalo sama kang gary, aman-aman aja jadi ayook haha.

intinya kang gary sama kwon ji yong, at a glance u wont find any attractiveness from them, but as u see them oftenly knows them well slowly.. you'll find something sucking at you. their face weren't dazzling as siwon or sehoon when u see at first time, but their charisma is not doubt. they are amazing.

jiyong is clever, he's superstar but humble, and.. i dunno i love him.

dan kalo nanya, jadi jidi atau kang gary?

aku bakal pilih..........


cinta enam tahun aku dari 2009, Kwon Ji Yong..

ahahahah. luv him

and now you'll understand w woman is complex, based on my written. wkkw.

you get it?

haha selamat hari minggu~

jadi gini pas tadi random banget mau ngapain di depan kompi keinget Zion T dan diputerlah,s ebagaimana random di youtube maka dia akan membawamu ke video yang tak terduga, akhirnya fangirling g-ri lah di youtube eh akhirnya nemu tittle vid diatas, loh kok.. kayak video big bang yang aku dondlo pas sma kelas satu dulu taun 2009 dan bener ajalah, itu video tentang big bang yang mana isinya tuh tribute ke loveline di big bang yang mana gue mana ngerti soal bl lah, ngeliat cowok deket-deketan aja rada ew... *aku yang dulu sangatlah polos... sekarang sedikit ternodai sisanya masih sama kuk* ahahha.

kangeeeeeeeen aja masa-masa ini, ah aku udah giginian mau hampir 6 tahun gitu ya? haha sebagai stress relief aku, menemukan mereka di internet, big bang, cinta pertama aku. TOP, akhirnya berlabuh ke kwon ji yong yang entah dari sudut mana secara fisik pasti menangan choi seung hyun ke mana-mana cuman dia ngambil hati aku gitu aja,tanpa usaha tiba-tib aaku udah ilang ke jidi, padahal dia gausaha apa-apa *YAIYALAH* gd istimewa menurutku dia punya kharisma, kemampuan yang bikin semua orang kelepek-kelepek,. dan setelah fluktuatif nge fangirling big bang, soalnya rada ke distruct sama kim jaejoong dan jung yunho, yunjae... forever in my heart it will remain as the best memory ever~~ <3 okay next ah,

akhirnya big bang abis hiatus 3 tahun balik lagi, dan bang bang bang~~~ tjetaaar, aku kok makin kesini ngeliat kwon jiyong makin nyungsep ke hati aku, entah kenapa ditambah penemuan instagram yang membuat hidup seorang fangirl terasa terpenuhi dengan banyak nya fs yang di upload kesana *NYONGTORY* kan jadi bahagiaaaaaaaa~~ ufufu.

doain ya aku dan temen-temen yang lain berangkat liat mereka lancar dan selamat di perjalanan dan berabahagia tentunya big bang juga nyaman di indonesia ^^ wuhuu. kalo yang kebetualn belom bis alihat insyaallah kalo ada rejekinya pasti liat big bang~ :D mangaaaaaaaaaat VIPS.

hallo hehe assalamualaikum, selamat idul fitri ya mohon maaf lahir batin, maafin kalo sering typo san random seperti biasa.
sedih banget sih banyak kejadian aku ga tulis disini, aku lagi mengerjakan sesuatu semoga goal doakan saja yaaaaa aamiin. semoga sukses.

oh iya mau ngomongin apa ya? soal GD yang entah kenapa dia makin bling bling cakep di mata aku? wkwk. soal nyongtory yang akhir-akhir ini makin menggila di stage di instagram?

gila coba aku berapa tahun ya ngeshipping mereka sendiri, berasa semua video youtube tentang mereka udh aku liat sampai yunjae memporak-porandakan akuh, wkwk.

hey istill love them btw, (yakin?) tentang itu, iya masih dibilang sayang iya sayang cuman gaterlalu eager kayak dulu. masih percaya? iya aku percaya soal yunjae melebihi rasa shipping aku ke nyongtori soalnya, aku ngerasa hub yunjae itu really deep. kalo nyongtory... pendapat aku pribadi, gd definetly deeply in love with seungri like jae did to yunho. that is why i become they (hard) shipper. i found something through their eyes. and there is something you cant tell about it.

have you ever staring someone that you love?

you always give the gestures and that different kind of staring~ u know it rite? nah so from that i found the through their eyes.

yaudahsih aku berharap terbaik buat yunjae, kalian masih atau udah putus. aku masih sayang. hopefuly one day you all 5 will get tgt appears in instagram after left the enlistment wkwk.

kalo nyongtory? ada beberapa akun sih yg bikin spekulasi mereka beneran nyata. kalo aku sih percayanya hts-an antar kakak-adek HAHAHAHAHA.

jiyong sayaaaaaaaaaaang sama seungri, seungri (yg masih denial itu) ngerasa kalo dia disayangi oleh jiyong, dia tauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu dan dia juga kayak gitu the one and only he looks high is kwon ji yong XD tapi dua-duanya pasti gabakal decided tgt, sebagaimana kebanyakan bl. jadi kayaknya mereka nikmatin itu aja wkwk.

dan ngemengin jidi aku lagi liat infinity challenge setim sama kwanghee, hahaha kocak aja sih segimana pun jidi pasti bring seungri up, aduh ayaaaaaaaaang banget sih kamuh ji.

entah aku excited tapi aku lebih nunggu band hyukoh sama jung hyun don (iya gasih namanya, plus mantanya jidi itu wkwkwkwkwk) sama om haha dan mas zion T aku langsung googling kan besok-besoknya siapa sih mereka soalnya pas denger zion t nyanyi aku langsung suka dan bener aja mereka kereeeeeeeeeeeen bangeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet, wow. aseli kewl,. dan hyukoh band itu lagi hawt di korea kemaren malem aku liat vokalnya oh hyuk ikut nyanyi di show me the money 4 bareng tablo XD dan jujur aja sih mas zion t lagu nya yg di infinity challenge aku puter-puter terus dan pas nulis ini aku lagi dengerin langunya yang eat~~ ah enakeun banget. lagunya banyak tipe mid to the slow, dan yg eat ini dia kayak ngobrol gitu liriknya keren deh~~~ ini ya Zion T-Eat

huhuhu~~

semangat nunggu minggu depan buat liat episode maen GDTAE sama kwanghee ahaha.

dan Allah.. semoga aku bisa lulus bismillah semoga doaku terkabul aamiin :D

*Sorry i've warned you abt my random thought wkwkw*

jadi siapa jagoan kalian di infinity challenge music festival kali ini? aku sih..... GDTAEHEE tapi jujur aku nantiin hyukoh dan zion t hahaha vip macam apa akuh uuwuwuu.

yauds met liburan kalo yang masih liburan yang sudah masuk kerja semangaaaaaaat yaaaaa semoga semakin berkah aamiin :D

back to the old days, i thought that someone who hold their tear is the tough one. but i was realizing .. i was wrong, something that hits me bad made me crying along day and night.. that was so hurted my soul. i cannot handle it till my tears bursted.

i thought.. i just wanted to drop my tears to something i think is worth. but that day something that hit me made me realize. i was wrong.

when you hurted because something, even petty thing you have a right to make it out. just crying, that was not a sin.

crying making you better that doesn't mean you loser, crying makes u realized that u human being. crying makes you realized there is Lord who always hugging you, covering you~

and after it, you will better. i dunno how to explain it but this song suits so much with that problem.

maybe you feel weird when heard "big girl crying" because that girl big enough to admit that she is not that strong, because humans have the limit. admitting you are not that strong approved that you are not cocky right? -> ngelantur. ahaha. somehow that makes you understand more about the Allah power, the lord and the salvation for your all problems.

thanks God you creates the tears for one of the alternative ways to puk-puk my self wkwkwk.

ini sudah mei.
terlalu banyak kejadian yang sudah terjadi.
aku gaterllau mau banyak berharap cuman untuk menghadapi ujian ini aku lulus aja. aamiin.
terimakasih ya Allah, terimakasih untuk selalu bareng sama aku, nguatin aku. Bismillahirrahmanirrahiim :D


aku bisa. aku bisa. insyaalah atas ijin Allah aku bisa :D